Train of Thought
by Annihilator Zero
Summary: Little something that entered my head late at night. Clichéd as all hell. Ruby writes a letter for Sapphire. In a train of thought style  ooh look, title drop .


**Dear Sapphire**

Dear me this might just be the most clichéd title of all time. One sec, I'll fix it.

**Train of Thought**

There we go, much more like it. Also the name of a fairly cool album, so bonus points for that I guess?

I had an idea in my head for Ruby writing a letter to Sapphire, and it kinda ran in my head as a long stream of consciousness so I figured that I should write it like that since that's how I'd imagined it, y'know? Also cause I can really imagine Ruby breaking from his calm and collected persona and just spilling everything out as if he's afraid he'll stop himself or something.

Something tells me that owning an IV bred Sceptile doesn't really count as owning Pokemon, does it? Thought not. That counts as a disclaimer right?

_Dear Sapphire,_

I'd like to apologise in advance for this, I know you're not fond of reading (although my point still stands, _Romeo and Juliet _is amazing and I don't care how mushy you think it is), but this is just… easier I guess. For a lot of reasons. The main reason is… well… I'm scared. Really scared. And before you take any offense it's not you that scares me (well, mostly), it's me. You probably don't know this because you're so fearless and upfront about everything, but fear is something that can become self-perpetuating very easily. You tell yourself a lie, and then you repeat it enough times, and in your mind it sort of becomes true, and you stop yourself from thinking about that lie which you know is a lie because you know it's true and it becomes second nature to believe that lie even though you know it's a lie. All because you've told the lie for so long you're afraid of what would happen if you finally tell the truth. You're afraid of how other people will react, you're afraid of how _you'll_ react, and you can't even remember why you told the lie in the first place.

I really hope I'm not in your vicinity when you read this, because you'll probably punch me and tell me to get on with it. Another reason why I decided to write a letter I guess.

It's rather funny, knowing what I'm about to write on paper, and yes, I'll say it to you next time we meet because I know exactly how much it'll mean to you. It's funny because it's something that you already know, that you've known for a while and that it was the stupidest thing for me to think would ever deceive you, so to write it down feels almost unnecessary because it's so obvious, but… The truth is… yes I remember the Mirage Island incident. Yes I remember exactly what you said to me, I remember that time we spent together as children, I remember saving your life, I remember every detail on your face as you broke into tears and I broke myself because of it. I remember telling you I liked you, I remember locking you in Wallace's aircar because the thought that the battle with Groudon and Kyogre would hurt you just _tore me up_ so much that it made me almost sick to think about it. I remember how shocked I was when you managed to come to fight with me. I remember feeling, no, not feeling, but _knowing_, that as soon as you arrived, I could never lose. Because with someone as strong as you on my side that no matter how evil Archie and Maxie were, no matter what we'd all been through up to this point, that there was no way they could ever break you, and that as long as that couldn't happen, they couldn't break me. I remember lying to you in Fortree, telling you that I didn't care and I wanted to leave. You may have noticed that I'm rather talented at lying to myself, and that was one of the most blatant examples right there. You had every right to be angry. You had every right to never want to speak to me again. At times I wonder why you ever did, and it scares me because by all rights I should have lost you, and then I realised that I don't even have you and why the hell is that because god_dammit _Sapphire, you're truly amazing you know that?

I'm probably getting slightly off-topic here, but I'd just like to say thank you so much, for everything. Thank you for giving me second chance after second chance after I managed to screw up everything and show you myself at the most self-indulgent of this complete idiot who masqueraded under my name. This idiot who has a girl telling him every day that she likes him, a girl who had forgiven him for lying to her face day-in day-out about things as minor as saving the world to things as major as the fact that _I like you too Sapphire and I'm a goddamn idiot for not telling you_. And as I write this letter I feel horrible with myself because somehow I know that you'll forgive me for lying to you like this even though you have no reason to. Because I've been monstrous to you since the day we met and I don't even know why because every part of me is screaming to just give you a hug and tell you that I didn't mean any of it and that I'm sorry for all of the arguments and that at times I get so scared of finally pushing you away that it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it yet I don't even stop pushing. And yet, you haven't let go of me, and a part of me feels like I'm abusing that and I promise that I really will try to stop. I don't care how "cute" Blue thinks it is that we bicker "like a married couple" (does she have _any_ idea how clichéd she sounds? Really?) because I don't want to argue with you, I want to spend my time with you doing everything I can to at least try to repay you for all the time and friendship you've given me, because you truly deserve all of that and more. And I realise _I'm _probably sounding clichéd now (this whole letter probably does, on second thoughts maybe it's a good thing you don't read as much), but you really do deserve better than what you get from me. I mean, those few times, like now, where I stop lying to myself for a moment, I honestly wonder what you see in me. I'll try my best to be whatever you see from now on, OK? I'll probably enjoy that anyway, being a prissy and argumentative dickhead isn't actually as fun as I must make it look.

So just… thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for all the great memories we've had together. Thank you for always managing to see the best in me despite my best efforts to hide it. I know I have a habit of lying to you, but please believe be when I say that I'm truly sorry for trying to be a fool about this all this time.

You're probably going to kill me the next time we meet, but on the off-chance that I actually survive, how does dinner on Friday sound? I have a dress made up and everything… Justkiddingdon'tkillme. Wear whatever you want, you'll be more than beautiful anyway. And I really do mean that.

_Ruby_


End file.
